Desperate man need advice?

My wife and I have been married for 1 1/2 years. I am in the military currently in Iraq. We got married before I left the first time and i came back live together for six months and left again. During that time we had some problems with the stress of me being gone and having money issues. My wife an I have had allot of arguments and I yelled at her a lot. I called her and she told me that she needed some space from talking. I agreed and told her that sound like a good idea. Then she called me and told me that she don't think she loves me anymore and that she don't know if she can be with me. I never called her any names or nothing real bad when i yelled at her and never touched her. I didn't realized that I hurt her that bad and i want to work it out with her and be the man she deserves. I feel like this is all my fault the reason she is thinking all this. I have been taking counseling and classes on stress and how to control my anger. But every time I want to calmly talk about us to try and work this out she says that im pressuring her and that not what i want. She refuses to talk about it every time i bring it up so im waiting for her to be ready. I have 4 months left on my deployment do you think i should try to wait until i get home or try and work it out apart form each other. I want to be with her more than anything is there still a chance that we can be together. Please some adviceDesperate man need advice?
She told you not to call and talk so she could have some ';alone time'; to try out her new beau....then liked him enough to give the sure thing the total brush-off, and told you to Git!


I could be wrong, but this is a familiar pattern. Know this, though, she's already been in the arms of another while you were away, probabbly before you came back for six months, hence all the bickering. Guilty people fight with who they feel the guilt for, to assuage same.


Read a pshchology text, if you don't believe me.


Good luck, and PEACEDesperate man need advice?
She needs to go see the wives group that represents military wives of deployed soldiers. They can help her cope with things while you continue your counseling. This is not uncommon and the wives group really does help. Ask your supervisor what its called. I forget. And she can find out, too. Thank you for your service and the best of luck to you. I hope she doesn't give up. It's worth the wait.
Leave it in God's hands. You might get a Dear John letter, so don't get your hopes up.
Wow. You sure do have a lot on your shoulders. This deployment would be difficult on any marriage, even very strong ones.





I think my best advice at this point is to write her and tell her what you said in your question. You agree you fight a lot, stress of you being gone and money issues, and you didn't realize how badly some of the things you said hurt her. Just apologize. Don't ask for anything (except forgiveness if you so choose) and don't blame. Just apologize and hope you can work things out.





You both sound young and it is possible in this period of seperation she has met someone who she turns to for companionship. This may be confusing her feelings right now. Maybe not and she just needs to step back and re-evaluate things.





Apologizing for and acknowledging your part will help you grow in maturity and help with future situations, with her and/or without her.





Good luck.
I went through the same thing with my husband, who was away for 11 months for a detail. We've been married 14 years, and boy was it hard on us, we had the same issues, and were always arguing although with him I had problems with cursing words and him putting me down and blaming me for everything and him never taking any responsibility. We were on the verge of a divorce, but I did a lot of praying and went to church. I truly believe this helped our marriage, plus I realized that I had to just hear him out and be very understanding and loving, I needed to play reverse psycology. A relationship will never get better if one person doesn't give in, and try to work it out. Being away from eachother is very tuff, and it gives you more courage to do things, because you get used to being apart. When you get back you need to try your best to win her heart, by loving her and being very apologetic, maybe even getting her a nice gift, and getting a room for 3 days so you all can be romantic with one another, it'll really help, once you are back home you will be able to work things out better. You'll have a chance to analyze your marriage and love. Don't give up, and just be very loving with her on the phone, don't waste your time arguing, or discussing things you can't change. focus on happy things and what you all are going to do once you get back.
Back to back deployments can be very hard on a marriage as can financial issues. I dont understand money issues though while you are deployed as you are in a tax free zone. Sounds to me like maybe she is overspending while you are away???? Try not to talk about this over the phone...let her know that you still love her and want to be with her and you are willing to see how things go when you get home. The classes you are taking sound great...stay with them. As hard as it is for you to be in Iraq, it is equally as hard on her to have you gone. I was a military wife for 18 years and the deployments finally broke us. I would suggest some marriage counseling when you get back if you intend to work things out...
How old are you guys?





Deployment is BRUTAL on marriage. I'm sure you knew going in that this might not work out.





Please don't torture yourself thinking she may be cheating.





The truth is, that she maybe is lonely and doesn't want to live the rest of your marriage as a far away wife, worrying about YOU cheating and being bored, depressed, and worries.





Three words. LET IT GO.





If it's meant to be, it will all work out in the end.





If not, you got a painful but important life lesson. Don't get married when you are about to be deployed.





STOP calling her!





Imagine yourself in her shoes. If you were annoyed with your husband, would YOU want him to keep calling?





NO! Give her a chance to miss you.





Give her some space.





STOP calling, texting, emails, Ims and writing letters.





Wait a few weeks.





Contact her mother or sister and tell her that you love this woman so much, you are WILLING TO GIVE HER SPACE.





Later, write a long, slow, gentle letter.





Say that you realize how hard it is for HER.





Think about HER feelings over your own, if you truly love her.





Say 'I'm so sorry for all that's gone wrong. We were in love at one point, and it's possible we could be in love again. I am willing to be that man you want in your life. I am willing to give you space to think this over. Write me or call me when YOU ARE READY to talk. Signed, your loving husband.'





Seriously, dude. Stop clinging to this.





Go to church. Go to counseling. Work out. Improve yourself. Deal with your anger problems. Listen to uplifting music and avoid violence, video games, horror movies, punk rock, or anything that makes you feel more agitated.





Let go and let God.