I want to end a long term relationship with a controlling man, any advice?

we've been together for three years, engaged for one but i don't want to get married now. he keeps pressing me to elope to vegas. we don't live together. i love him but i just can't marry him and i think it's only fair to him that i end the relationship. every time i try to talk about it he just insists it's pre-wedding jitters and says if we just did it everything would work out. i know it's not true though, because he gets more controlling everyday. is there some way i can make him not want me anymore?I want to end a long term relationship with a controlling man, any advice?
You got some excellent advice. Good thing you're not living together, whew! I WAS, and that made getting away more difficult. He is obviously not listening to a word you say. Make sure you take your stuff back and refuse to see him again. Leave him a letter outlining everything. Make a copy for yourself. Refuse to accept his phone calls, block his emails. Change your telephone number to an unlisted one. If he stalks you (and he is likely to do that) then you may need to ask the police to pay him a visit. You may perhaps also need get a restraining order against him.





Good luck and GO!!!I want to end a long term relationship with a controlling man, any advice?
I agree with Kessie. It's not about his feelings, especially when he has no regard for yours. If he keeps insisting that you have pre-wedding jitters, you have to be stronger and very firm when you tell him that he's wrong. Look him right in the eye and say it with conviction. Eventually, he'll realize that he's wasting his time trying to convince you otherwise and he'll back off.
I agree with Kessie, don't attempt to make him not want you. You need to be clear with him that you need this relationship to end.
i took the time to read your other posts and i have to agree, he is too controlling.


unfortunately the harder you resist the harder he will try. you just need to be prepared for whatever comes and stand up to him unwaiveringly. tell him it's over and make it clear to him that he can't show up at your work or home unnanounced and don't take his calls. if he persists, get a lawyer. keep a camera with you and use it. document everything in case you need to seek an order of protection.
This guy is using your good nature to control you but if you show him that you refuse to be controlled then that will soon put him off. You don't owe this guy anything except to tell him straight that you don't want him anymore and stick to your decision. The worst thing you could do would be to marry this guy just to please him. Good luck.
What are we supposed to tell you? I will give you a sample script and you can modify it for your situation.





';I don't want to marry you. I'll never marry you. If we do get married, I'll just divorce you and take half of your stuff. I'd cheat on you too. You are too controlling, and that makes you seem insecure. Actually, it reveals your genuine insecurity. I still wish you the best, but I'm not attracted to you any more. You need to move on. I don't ever want to see you again.';





YOU MUST BE BLUNT WITH THIS MAN. This dude is deeply insecure - that is the only reason he is so controlling. If you give him the slightest glimmer of false hope, he is likely to latch on and stalk you.





You may want to move all of your stuff away ahead of time, and get a bigger, tougher guy to help you so as to prevent trouble. If he acts up, say ';You get one warning before I call the police';. If you explain the situation to a police officer he may stand by while you move your stuff out.





I am not suggesting you do anything ';official'; against this guy, but just have a safety net. Controlling men are dangerous when they feel they are losing control.
A user named ';johnny jello dick'; posted an identical question - about a woman. Did you post first or did he?





Good luck to you - I'd suggest the same advice to you that I wrote on his post:





Tell him clearly and quickly that you don't want to get married. Don't tell him';I love you but...'; That will just make her hold on. Then leave. Take a few sick days at work if you can and get out of the city/state/country for awhile. Out of sight makes out of mind easier. Good luck!
Follow at your own risk: stop looking pretty by burping loud, farting, flicking bugers, and scratching your crack. Assuming you have a lot of friends and family call them over and let them in. Take everyone to a place in public including your bf and break up. I dought if he will fly off the handle because there would be more of your people to stop him versus him taking on everybody .
drop his a**
Two ways, either completely balk every time he tries to control you or sit him down and be honest with him.


Tell him you no longer feel this is the right decision and you're breaking off the engagement, tell him there's nothing he can say or do to change your mind. Tell him the two of you are over and that you hope he finds the perfect woman to make him happy, then move on.
';Just Do It';, underrated catch phrase. Dont wait for his permission. You owe him nothing but honesty. It's so wonderful for you that you realize this before you get married. Please understand that the guilt will subside. Guilt is not the binding factor to a happy marriage. You owe it to YOURSELF to marry for the right reasons. CLEAN BREAK. Do not leave anything open for discussion. ..oh and it helps so much that you dont live together. You've got your head on straight girl. Take back control. GOOD LUCK. You can do this. Let him find a weaker woman that NEEDS this type of control. GOOD LUCK HONEY!!!!
Don't worry about what he wants, focus on what you need. Marrying him wouldn't be doing him any favors either so be direct, consistent, and tell him the truth. Don't be ambivalent, and don't leave any doors open. Be brave.
Follow cliffies advice - he is as sound as a pound.
it will only get worse when you marry him...


just stop seeing him...I would not suggest getting a new boyfriend because that just opens up a whole new can of worms...Cliffe up there is spot on...
I agree with the others that you need to be consistent and direct. You also need to act quickly. Every day that goes by makes it more difficult to leave and more painful once you do leave. Up to this point it sounds like you've been very passive about the whole thing and you might try being more assertive. If you need support or if you're fearful of his response, ask a friend or family member to be there. He may feel embarrassed about that but, in the long run, it will be better for both of you.
Something about your boyfriend reminds me of Spencer from The Hills. Maybe it's the fact that they're both controlling, possessive dipwads. Just tell him flat out that it's over. Don't wait for him to try to dump you.
Oh Boo Hoo! Your inability to make a decision on your own would be enough to make me want to leave.





Get some ovaries woman! Stop with the ';but I love him'; routine. I don't believe you do. He was convenient for the past three years.





But does it really matter? You will probably look for the same type of man the next time.
Just tell him straight out and no beating about the bush.